


a love like ours

by bazlightwood



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Post-Book: Carry On, carry on, post carry on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5173640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazlightwood/pseuds/bazlightwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon and Baz's life after Carry On.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

BAZ 

Simon’s wings were wrapped around me, around us and I’m snuggled closer to him. Me, Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, am snuggled against my once nemesis. I suppose we weren’t always that. Not really. I often found myself wondering what it would have been like to be friends with Snow. We would have been better friends than enemies. He would have liked that. 

If you think that I’m complaining about what I have now, I’m not. I have Simon Snow and Simon Snow has me. He lives in his flat with Penny and I’m practically living here too, except I’m not. I share a flat with my Aunt Fiona. She’s there more than I am and she know’s that I’m here most of the time. Fiona teases me about Snow, but in a good way. I know that she’s happy for me. She’s happy that I’m finally happy.

“Go to sleep Baz,” Simon mumbles to me. He knows that I’m not asleep. I don’t know how, but he does. 

“I am asleep,” I murmur back. Liar, I scold myself. A terrible liar.

“Liar,” he replies and I can’t help but chuckle. It’s like he read my mind.

“You caught me.”

I feel his tail jab me in the leg. I swear he uses his tail and wings against me all the time. I’d get upset at him more if I didn’t love it when he holds me with those wings. You think arms are good enough? Imagine someone holding you with wings. They’re leathery, but warm and I could lay here with him for the rest of eternity. I’m a vampire. I probably could lay here with him for the rest of eternity.

“Go to sleep,” Simons says.

“You go to sleep,” I tell him. He looks like he’s asleep, only I can’t tell that he’s peeking his eyes open at me. 

“I’ll sleep when I know you’re sleeping.”

I roll my eyes. We still bicker like this, it’s not full on fighting like when we were in school, but the bickering never really stopped. And it’s always about little things too. 

“I’m going to sleep,” I tell him. And so I close my eyes and do. Sleeping next to Simon Snow is the best thing in the world. One of these days I’ll Change him so that he can spend forever with me, I told him that I would, after he accidentally killed the Mage, I just haven’t done it yet. One of these days though, one of these days we’ll get to spend forever together. 

SIMON 

I wake up next to Baz. He’s sound asleep next to me. At least I think he’s sound asleep. I can vaguely remember trying to get him to go to sleep last night. It looks like he actually listened to me. Baz keeps himself up on purpose. I know that he has nightmares, he just doesn’t like to tell me about them. I can’t blame him. I get nightmares too. 

Nearly every night I have the same nightmare, the one where the Mage is dead before me and it’s my fault. I know that it’s my fault. My therapist tells me that it’s not, but I don’t believe her. I suppose I could blame Penny too, it was her magic that did it, but it was my words that did it. ‘Use your words Snow’, is what Baz often says to me. That time I used my words too much. 

My wings are still wrapped around us like we’re in a cocoon. A big warm cocoon that I could stay in and forget about everything else forever. Baz said once that he’d Change me, but I know that he didn’t really mean it. He’d said it when we were both most vulnerable, after I’d killed the Mage and broke down. I still haven’t gotten over it and I still miss my magic. 

Being without magic is like being without air. You need air to breathe and magic was my air. I loved magic so much, I loved it more than those that always had known that they’d had it. Why? Because I didn’t know that I had it before and once I did, I didn’t want to let it go. Now it was gone and most of the time I didn’t know what to do with myself. I still didn’t know what I was really going to uni for. Basic classes could only get me so far, couldn’t they? I didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself and I felt like Penny and Baz knew what they were going to do. Why couldn’t I have my life figured out like that too?

Baz tries not to do magic around me. I get why he doesn’t, Penny doesn’t either, but I wish they would. They can use their magic around me. I’m not fragile. Besides, I’d like to feel magic again, even if it’s theirs. 

My vampire boyfriend is starting to wake up and I smile. He’s mine. I still can’t believe that either. After all that time of thinking he was going to kill me or that I was going to kill him, we ended up like this. Together. We are Simon Snow and Baz Pitch and I couldn’t be happier. 

“Good morning sleepyhead,” I tell him. He groans and nestles himself against my shoulder. I wonder if he knows how adorable he is. Probably. 

“Five more minutes,” Baz mumbles and I roll my eyes. 

“It’s your fault you’re tired, you know. You were the one who stayed up late.”

“Shut up, Snow.”

I flex my wings out and he whines. Actual whining, ladies and gentleman, from Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. As snarky and cool as he’s acted in the past, he sure acts different now. Maybe that’s all it had been, an act. 

“Keep on sleeping if you want. I have classes in a few hours.”

I do have classes. Economics and history. Like I said, I don’t know what I want to do with myself, so I’m taking a bunch of everything. Tomorrow will be English and Creative Writing, the next day will be Art. Literally, everything. At least I’m keeping myself distracted from thinking too much about the past.

Rolling over to get out of bed, I gasp in surprise when Baz wraps an arm around me and pulls me toward him. 

“Stay,” he insists.

“Baz,” I say in that annoyed tone of mine. 

“Please?”

He’s giving me those eyes. Yep, those ones. The steely grey puppy dog eyes. I always give in to those and he knows it. Fine. I roll back toward him and slip an arm around him as well. I hear him murmur something against my chest.

“What?” 

“I love you,” he says more clearly this time. 

I blink and stare at him. He’s told me that he loves me before, I just hadn’t heard it so randomly from him. And I hadn’t said it back yet. Why hadn’t I said it back yet? Because I was afraid. I was afraid that once I said it things would change. Baz looks up at me with questioning eyes. He expects me to say it back. We’ve been together what….almost a year now? 

“I love you too,” I tell him and I mean it. He smiles and leans up to kiss me, so I kiss him back. His kisses are better than our cuddles, better than anything else we’ve done together because I know that it means we’re in this for the long haul.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon isn't dealing with being magic-less very well.

BAZ 

Snow is quiet. I don’t know why he’s so quiet. He rarely is. Actually, that’s wrong. He’s been quiet a lot more lately and I just don’t want to acknowledge it. He’s seeing a therapist for Crowley’s sake, of course I know why he’s quiet. He’s become all depressed like and I don’t know what to do to help him. How do you help someone who’s depressed when you know you’ve been that way most your life too? He wanted me to go to his therapist sessions with him, I know it’s because he knows I have those troubling times too. I hate myself half the time, I can’t stand what I am, but I don’t want to talk to anyone about it. Not even to my Simon.

“Snow,” I say quietly, going over to him. He’s hunched over on the couch, head in his hands. For a moment I fear that he’s crying. I’m terrible at comforting people. Please don’t be crying.

He doesn’t respond, if anything his wings hide him more. I frown. 

“Simon.” 

I tease him about that now, the fact that he enjoys me saying his name so much. I refused for the longest time. Old habits died hard, particularly for me. That’s probably why we still bicker like we do. 

He still doesn’t look at me. Now I really know that something is wrong. I wish that Bunce was here. she’d be able to help. She knows Simon better than I do, even if I am his boyfriend, I went too long hating him for years. She’s his best friend. She would know what to do. She had weekend classes. Who took weekend classes? Bunce, that was who.

Sighing, I go over to him and sit down on the couch next to him. He still doesn’t look at me, if anything he turns away from me. Well, at least he isn’t completely unresponsive. 

“Simon, please talk to me.” I don’t say please often and he knows that.

“I don’t want to talk,” Snow murmured. And I frown more.

“What’s wrong?” I insist. I know what’s wrong. He’s depressed. He probably hates himself just as much as I hate myself. We really must be made for each other. He killed the Mage, granted unintentionally and I know that it’s eating him up inside. The Mage was the closest thing Snow had to a father, I really can’t imagine what he was going through, even if I had lost my mother. I hadn’t killed her. 

“Leave me alone Baz,” he replied in this angry, sort of annoyed tone. Now I am angry and annoyed. 

“Fuck. No,” I tell him through gritted teeth. Then he does look over at me. He stands and his tail swishes out, nearly slapping me. His wings flap. 

“What the hell, Basilton!? Leave me alone! If I wanted to talk to you I would. Give a man his space, has anyone ever taught you that?” He was practically snarling at me and if I was a child I might have been scared at him. Snow didn’t scare me. I stood as well. 

“I am not leaving you alone until you tell me what the hell is going on with you. Do you really expect me to sit idly by, not caring about you when you’re obviously hurting Simon? I don’t think so. I told you that I love you. I love you Simon Snow and that also means that I care for you, I am concerned about you and when my boyfriend is depressed I want to help him.”

“I’m not depressed,” he mutters, turning away from me. I reach out, grabbing the bit of shoulder that isn’t hidden by his wing. “I’m not depressed, Baz,” he insists again. 

“You are. Let me help you.”

“You can’t even accept when you’re depressed and you expect me to accept it as well?”

I open my mouth, gaping for a moment before I close it, realizing that I look like an idiot. He knows me too well. 

“You can help me when you sort yourself out first,” he said before he shrugged my hand off of his shoulder and walked away from me. I hear his door slam a moment later. I’m not depressed. Not like he is. Not anymore. I’ve got him. He’s made me better and if he doesn’t see that...how does he not see that? I sigh and settle down on the couch where he had been and flick through the television channels. He will come back out when he’s over whatever it is that he’s going through.

SIMON 

I am not depressed. Baz knows fuck all about depression. How does he have any right to say that about me? Sure, I’m going to therapy, but that’s because of all that I’ve been through. If anyone is depressed or has a right to be it’s him. He’s the one who was kidnapped by numpties, he’s the one who was Changed when he was little, he was...I need to stop thinking about Baz. 

He says that I never think, but I do. I think about him constantly. I think about how I’m not good enough for him now that I’m Normal. Normal. Normal. I’m not magical anymore and it hurts. It fucking hurts. I sniff and wipe away a tear that had slipped down my cheek. I hate fighting with Baz now, but he needs to mind his own business for once. I get that he’s concerned but I’m not depressed. 

I’m not.

“I am.”

I say and lay curled in a ball on my bed, my wings curl around me. I couldn’t have gotten rid of those while I had magic, could I? I was a terrible magician, it’s no wonder I lost my magic. I get that I saved the World of Mages, but still, I was supposed to have been the Chosen One. I should have gotten to keep my magic. 

I’m full on sobbing now and I don’t hear when the door opens. It’s Baz and he’s slipped in behind me, his arms wrap around me and I can’t tell him to go anymore. I need him. I need him so much, I need him more than he needs me.

Suddenly I feel a surge of something and I gasp. It’s magic, it’s Baz’s magic.

“Baz?” I ask, rolling around to look at him. His eyes are closed, he’s focusing, murmuring some spell that I don’t know while he does.

“Basil.”

“Shh…” 

My hands are tingling. I feel his magic. It’s not as powerful as mine was, but I’m feeling it. I say a spell, my wings and tail spell themselves invisible. What did Baz do? He stops murmuring and he’s looking at me with those brilliant grey eyes of his. 

“I can share my magic with you,” he says. “I remember how it felt when you shared yours with me. It didn’t work for me before, but now I can. I’ve been researching. Simon, you can have my magic if you want it.”

My eyes widen and I shake my head no. 

“Baz, no. You can’t. Don’t give me your magic.”

I can still feel it though and he’s smiling even though I’ve said no. 

“Then we’ll share it. While we touch, we can share my magic.” 

While we touch. I kiss him then. It’s more passionate than that one night that we shared a kiss, the one where we shared ‘I love you’s’. This felt more important, more special. He could make me feel better. I didn’t want him to give me all of his magic, but we could share it when we were together and I was okay with that. I felt a bit better now, I had Baz, Baz was all that I needed. Baz was my magic.


End file.
